Wake up sleepy head!!!! The gospel for dummies!

So I hate to report that it has been a bit of a boring week with not too much to report! What can I say? It happens sometimes! We are working hard though and loving the potential that sits in this area!! Guarantee that next week there will be many jokes and laughs to share!! I'll give you the only 2 lol's of the week before I blast you with my spiritual tidbits for the week!

Scouser Tongue Twister:

So I made up my own tongue twister this week and would like to dedicate this to the beautiful city of Liverpool!!! Hands down, Liverpool is one of my favourite places to do missionary work-- Beautiful city, some of the friendliest people you'll meet in the UK, lovely beaches and good chippies on every corner! If you are not familiar with the scouse accent then go and youtube it and this will soon make sense:

Tongue twister of the week:

"I work at the chicken shack"

Go on the internet, educate yourself on the pronunciation of the letter K in scouse land, and then proceed to laugh, attempt the tongue twister, laugh again, and then crave some fried chicken!

Mormon Justification for Being a Fat Kid:

So a lady in our ward just got into my good books this week! Sis. M and I have been on a healthy eating phase-- she doesn't want to go home with the "tea appointment 10" (my version of the freshman 15!)....fair enough, I don't either so I happily joined in. We were talking with this sister (a RM) about it and she said to us

"Ahhh don't worry about it! You're just being good Molly Mormons! You're building up your emergency food storage!"

Amen! Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! There is a way to justify the 15 lbs of weight that I've gained in yogurts, cheap bakeries, and English chocolates and custards!!

Let's Get SPIRITUAL!:

Ok! Since I am so lame this week I will at least share a scripture that I found amusing this week.

Go read Song of Solomon......the end!

JUST KIDDING! (don't actually do that! Songs of Solomon is so dodgy!)

So lately I have been loving the Old Testament (yes! It is possible to actually understand and learn fun things in the OT! Just buy a solid dictionary and then go to town on the bible! It's so interesting!)

I decided to read a childhood favourite this week: Jonah!

I realized that I haven't read that book in ages (or possible even ever! We get TOLD the story so often that I think we are guilty of forgetting to actually READ them every once in awhile!). I loved one verse in particular:

So Jonah has run off to hide from the Lord! 

PAUSE

Friendly Tip: don't ever try that! This is really dumb! For real! Homeboy! ......ok, youtube quoting over (just quoted from youtube bedroom intruder alert video for anyone is who super confused and has no idea what just happened!). 

AND WE'RE BACK

So Jonah is on the boat (hiding from God.....seriously?!) and everyone on the ship are about to die in a massive storm that the Lord has caused to happen. Whilst this is happening, Jonah is fast asleep on the ship! I love this next part! 

Jonah 1:6  So the shipmaster came to him [Jonah], and said unto him, What meanest thou, O sleeper? arise, call upon thy God, if so be that God will think upon us, that we perish not.

What meanest thou, O sleeper?

It is actually so funny when you think about it! Basically what he has said:

"Hey there sleepy head! WAKE UP! What are you doing!? We are about to DIE and you are just chilling out and taking a nap?! Seriously?! Please explain to me why on earth are you doing something so dumb, while we are looking death in the face! Get on your knees and pray or help get us out of this mess!"

We laugh at this, but how often do we do this in life! I would suggest that we sometimes do this on a daily basis! Open your eyes! WAKE UP SLEEPY HEADS! (as the shipmaster would say). How often do we try and run from the Lord?! How often do we stick our fingers in our ears, going "LALALALALALA", trying to convince ourselves that ignorance will be an acceptable excuse for all the should haves of our lives! 

It's not.

The Lord invites us to come and know him everyday! We have opportunities to do good everyday! Sometimes we have to create those opportunities, but that is no excuse to not do them! The best things require some sacrifice and effort! End of story! So stop sleeping and waiting for things to sort themselves out! Stop hiding from your sacred and eternal responsibilities to do good, to be like Christ, to deepen your faith and conversion!

You don't have to come and confess, [HE] gonna finnnnnd you! So run and go tell dat homeboy, home home homeboy!! 

So what have we learned?!

1. You can easily liken the story of Jonah and the whale to the bedroom intruder alert video on youtube! Great for some good laughs! But seriously: Don't be dumb! Don't sleep through the restoration!! (as President Uchtdorf said in his marvelous talk this last general conference https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/are-you-sleeping-through-the-restoration?lang=eng) WAKE UP SLEEPY HEAD AND GO DO SOMETHING GOOD WITH YOUR LIFE! You will feel good! I Promise!!

2. When the Lord asks, don't hide from responsibility! He asks us because it will be an opportunity for us to grow individually, AND he will be able to bless us with so many things because of it!! The sacrifices will be worth it!

Who doesn't want blessings?! Who doesn't want to become a better person?! I DO! 

So go make something good happen! Don't wait to get swallowed by a big, smelly whale! We can learn in 2 ways: either by doing the right thing the 1st time and enjoying the blessings, or by being chastised and learning by the 'tough love' method! Don't choose be ignorant! It will only cause a big giant headache and make you have regrets when you one day look back at all the "what ifs", and "could-of's" and "would-of's".

Do something great this week! I dare you! That is what this life is for! 

I love you all!
Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin xoxoxo 

Life according to elders!

The weather has been BEAUTIFUL! The temple is still breath-taking! And I am loving life here in Chorley!! What can I say?! I'm serving with a dear friend! We have the MOST POSH FLAT EVER (we each have our own bathrooms! Can I say more?!). The sun is shining and the spirit reminds us everyday how much we are loved! Life is good! Like the song goes, all you need is love (...and posh bathrooms and pretty temples!)

Pffft! Who needs a sat-nav?! :

Before I begin my traditional cheeky banter:

English to Canadian translation for my crazy Canucks back home: 

Sat Nav = GPS

Ok, now we can proceed!

You know you are serving in Molly-Mormon ville when........

You do not need a map 70% of the time because you can use the angel Moroni on top of the temple as your navigator! #lettheholyspiritguide??

You REALLY know you are serving in Molly-Mormon ville when.......:

Every other day a car(s) honks at you AND..... they aren't shouting rude things at you for once!! Half the people here are members! We feel like celebrities having people waving and yelling and honking because they are actually happy to see us! Certainly a nice change of scenery! Excuse me while I go buy some outrageous sunglasses and a stretch limo to fend off all the paparazzi!  

You REALLY REALLY know you are serving in Molly-Mormon ville when....:

Half the people you stop on the street are already members of the church! Awkward! So this is what it feels like to serve in Utah?!  Now I know how my dad felt on his mission! :) (shout-out to the Salt Lake City South mission graduating class of 1980-something!!) 

Life according to elders:

So if you want to witness and hear the strangest and the craziest things that this world has to offer, I can now say from experience that these things can be discovered very easily!.......

...Just have a 3 hour lunch with a bunch of elders at a Chinese buffet!

So a bunch of elders, an RM from our ward, and Sis. Pongi and I had our "last supper" (before transfers hit) this last Monday. Never in my life have I heard so many crazy, weird, shocking, hilarious, ridiculous comments in my life! My favourites of the day:

What noise does a salmon make?

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: "Hmmmm this question sounds familiar! I think I have heard this before!"

That, my friends, is because you have! So I asked this question in my email a few weeks back (the week that Sis. P and I struggled to pinpoint what noise a salmon makes). So I decided to seek the elders' wisdom and opinion on this life-changing question.

Leave it to a group of 19 year old boys in suits to find the simple, easy answers in everything. Their response was almost instant:

"Duhhhhh! A salmon goes: *Sizzle Sizzle Sizzle* (the noise of a fish on the grill). 

This is why they say the key to a mans heart is through his stomach! Point proven!

The Prison System Revised.......by elders?

An elder comes back from the buffet with probably his 57th plate of food and very thoughtfully declares:

"I think I have discovered a new torture.......eat until you barf!"

The greatest compliment you could ever receive?:

I was telling our elders how I don't know our new zone leaders very well and was asking them to tell me more about them. Our district leader's response:

"Hmmm! Elder M. He is reallly, really nice......I'm wearing his trousers right now."

So if you want to make good friends and build a good reputation, skip the whole working hard, being cheerful and friendly bit, and just give away really posh pairs of trousers!

What have I been doing with my life these past 22 years! Clearly trying too hard! 

The real reason why food is so addictive:

Elder #2 returns to the table with plate number 67.3! Stares at the plate and then with a giant mouthful of samosa sighs:

"Vegetable samosa. Why do I love you so much?"

His companion immediately pipes in: "Probably has nicotine in it!"

Companionship unity 101:

It was beautiful seeing how well one companionship knew each other. I asked one elder:

"where did your companion go?"

His immediate response: "probably throwing up so he can eat more food!"

Racism at a Chinese buffet: 

Jaw dropping comment of the night goes to .........an elder (of course). 

Licking his fingers as he carefully devoured a piece of chicken, his surfaced from his plate and commented with conviction:

"Mmmmmh! Slave chicken! Skinny....but lots of muscle on it!"

Never in my life! That is all I have to say about that! Racism is so bad, but it is just plain weird, funny, and not funny at all when it is directed at a piece of chicken.

How to guilt-trip an RM into eating all his vegetables:

Parents! Listen up! I may have the solution to those little fussy eaters you have at home! 

So the RM that was with us was bragging before the meal that he was going to eat 6 plates of food. By plate 5 he was really slowing down and declared that he was done and out for the count! 

Me-- being the sweet, lovely girl who can never resist any opportunity to give people are hard time-- decided to give him a little encouragement to finish all his vegetables! 

"Hey!! What's wrong with you! There's starving children in Africa you know!!!"

The precious chicken elder then piped in as he pointed at the plate: "Ya! See! Slave chicken right there!"

This RM served in South Africa. 

It worked! He replied solemnly "You're right!" and dove right into that plate and finished it off!! 

Just send your kids off on missions to Africa and they will come home appreciating everything so much more!!

My LOL, knee-slapper joke of the week:

So I made up my own missionary joke this week! Our district leader asked us the other night if my companion is getting trunky!

I suddenly had a little epiphany! 

We are in England. So this jargon needs to be adjusted to better suit the English culture! 

My response to him:

"Elder, my companion is not trunky.....she is booty!"

Break-down of the joke:

Compartment at the back of a car equals:

-Trunk in N. America

-Boot in England

Therefore, my companion is BOOTY! 

(*A little side note before we move on. I want to state that I AM aware that when we say a missionary is trunky, that we are referring to a TRUNK- like a suitcase-- and not a car part! Just so I can avoid getting know-it-all emails correcting me on a gross misinterpretation of Mormon culture! 

Ok? Sound good? Great! Now we can all relax, let out a giant LOL and knee-slap together and enjoy the cheesiness of the whole thing!) 

CORNY joke of the week:

I challenged my new district leader and his companion to come up with a joke that was cheesier that the one I just told you! I think they did a great job!

"What did baby corn say to mama corn?

Where's POP-corn?!"

Bahahaha   ha. 

Who do you think you are??

Fact! The queen of Sheba is in the bible! Don't know how, but I've never managed to pick up on this in my entire life of being a church kid! 

1 Kings 10! Read it! Bam! 

Changed my life! There is suddenly a meaning behind the classic saying: "Who do you think you are? The queen of Sheba!" Maybe I'll find out who Murphy and Pete are in the bible too! Who knows! I think I have found my next scriptural quests! Knowing my luck though, this excitement will only be short-lived and this will be the end of my scriptural discovery (Murphy's law!)

My 1st Wedding on the Mission:

This weekend was fun! One of the MTC teachers who is in our ward got married on Saturday! It was so nice to be able to be there and witness my 1st church wedding! It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed being able to do service for such a wonderful couple!

It is so fun serving in Chorley for that reason! Half of the MTC teachers are in our ward, so it is like a giant reunion getting to see them all again! I can't say enough about the MTC teachers in England! They are a brilliant bunch of people! I envy them! They have the best job ever!!

Well anyways! Congratulations! You have survived another week of pathetic jokes from the one and only Sister Martin! I love you all! Never forget it! Go out and give a pass-along card to someone! I dare you! You'll feel amazing afterwards! This work is incredible! I love being a missionary so much! The spirit we feel out here is beautiful! There is nothing better than having a sure knowledge that God loves us so very much! To know that any barriers ahead can be obliterated through Christ (2 Cor 12:9-10). To have peace and contentment in a world of crazy people and things! Go find some of that peace for yourself! Say an extra prayer this week! Spread the love of Christ everywhere-- treat everyone the way you would want to be treated! It's not hard and it costs you nothing!!

I love you!!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin! 

They have a Five Guys Burger and Fries in Manchester...

 Three of her previous companions...Sister Burridge, Sister Riley and Sister McDonnell

Colour coordination at its best...

Sister Martin is now a grandma!  Her first trainee Sister Riley is now a trainer.

 An MTC teacher gets married.

 The Sisters M!!! So happy to be serving together...

TEMPLE BOUND!

Hands down the most exciting and most anticipated transfer of my life!

So it is official! I'm have killed a Russian and now I am going to kill a Ukranian! (When you are a missionary's last companion before they go home, we say that you are "killing them"). And my claim to fame still continues as I am now moving on to companion number 7 and have still not served with a North American! (The missionaries out here are rooting for me now! They want to see me make it to the end without a N. American comp! With probably only 2 companions left and many foreign sisters in this mission, I could just make it!).

So I am going to CHORLEY! (i.e. the area where the temple is!). I'm going to be serving with Sister M. We have been hoping to serve together ever since my 1st transfer when we first met and became friends! So to say that we are excited is a big, fat understatement!

Sister Pongi and I are both leaving Wigan....and are not getting replaced :( Our flat is going to be closed for a couple of transfers, so life is a bit hectic at the moment as we are gutting out our flat (getting it perfect for another companionship to move in, in a couple transfers) and are working like crazy to prepare everything for a smooth transition of all our people (and our half-planned baptism) to the elders! Fun times!

Other exciting news! I AM GOING TO BE A GRANDMA!!!!!! Sister Riley is training a missionary, which means 2 things:

A. I am getting old! :( Time goes fast! The mission goes too fast!

B. I will be vindicated for all the terrible things she did to me as I can watch her suffer as she raises her own child!

.....Totally kidding! Sister Riley was the easiest person on planet earth to train (pretty much came pre-trained!) and I miss her terribly right now!! Sister Riley and I were like peanut butter and jelly and I love her HEAPS!!! We have been joking (but not really joking...dead serious) lately about us serving together again!! We would reunite in a heartbeat if they would let us!! (time will tell!) I am so excited to see how amazing she will be as a trainer!! :)

So our week in a nutshell (where on earth does that saying come from and what does it mean?! If you think about it, it makes absolutely no sense! Why is a shortened phrase in a nutshell? English is so weird!):

#Tallgirlproblems:

I was on a blitz (a type of exchange) with a good friend.....who also happens to be very short. We had a second blitz with the same companionship 3 days later and she told me the funniest/saddest (can't decide which one it is yet) story!

So the day after our exchange, she said she was in the shower and noticed that her neck was hurting really badly! She was so confused as to what would cause that to happen and then the answer suddenly came to her:

Epiphany! It was sore from looking up at me all day! As we were talking the whole day the poor girl had to stare up to no-mans land to be able to see my face! Sad? Funny? Not sure yet?! What a trooper though! She said despite all that, that she still loves me and would happily endure endless neck pain to be able to talk to me! True friendship right there!

Guard Cow?:

Sis. P told me the most hilarious story the other day! Her and her last companion were on a double decker bus that was driving past a bunch of farmland. She said that they saw a teen aged couple walking through a field of cows. It seemed a bit strange (you don't typically see people--especially young people-- strolling through a cow's grazing area), but they just assumed that the kids were related to the owners of the farm and had a reason to be there. Well, the kids disappeared out of view over a hill and the sisters forgot for 3 seconds about them..

UNTIL.....it became very obvious seconds later that indeed these kids were NOT supposed to be in that field and that they were not farmers, or farmers kids etc. The sisters suddenly watched in awe as the kids suddenly reappeared over the hill running and screaming hysterically! A cow was chasing the kids very aggressively! Apparently the entire bus was in tears laughing as they watched the scene unfolding! Kind people we are: laughing at other peoples' misfortunes (moos- fortunes?)

I joked that instead of guard dogs these farmers just trained themselves a guard cow. I did a solid impression of a guard dog vs. guard cow for Sis. P which made our day. Just picture an angry cow, wearing a spiked collar, barking like a dog:

"MOOO MOO MOOO"

Slim Shady in da house!:
So a couple weeks back I told you how all the elders have been calling me rapper names ever since I did my EMM rap at our mission bbq. Our district leader has been calling me slim shady ever since, so you can imagine how much he appreciated the following story!

I was on the bus when as girl walked on wearing the weirdest shirt (English fashion is very different from....a lot more "out there" and adventurous). It said: "Will the real slim shady please stand up?"

....so I stood up! ....Sis. Pongi laughed...hard!

The end.

Mollymormon drop out:

So I grew up in the molly mormon family that does not drink coke/dr. pepper. I got served some Dr. Pepper at a tea appointment (glasses were already poured when we got to the table). I wasn't going to make a bit hissy fit about it (it's not a big deal) so I tried it.

So I am now a mollymormon drop out. It actually tasted really good, but that will still be the first/last time I'll have it! (I'm crazy enough already....don't need the extra help from caffeinated fizzy drinks!).

There is your random fact/confession of the day.

My name is Erika Martin. I was raised a mollymormon. And I drank Dr. Pepper and LIKED it (no shame), and was not instantly thrust into outer darkness!

(That can be my new mormon.org profile!)

Anyways I am out of time this week!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me (seriously!! Time is going so fast it hurts!)

--- Sister Martin (your new friendly, neighbourhood Chorley missionary and assassin of Russian speakers!)

Tomato ketchup guns and Tongan bunk bed jokes!

Quick email today! Going to the Trafford Centre today so we only have an hour on the computer. The Trafford Centre is a massive shopping centre in Manchester that is nicknamed "The Great and Spacious Building"  by the missionaries because it literally does look like a great and spacious building!! :)

My life flashed before my eyes.....at McDonalds?

We were having McD's with a member and her adorable 3 year old son! Well, he thought it would be fun to randomly squeeze his tomato ketchup packet with absolutely no warning.....in my direction. It literally whizzed right past my forehead-- it got so close to hitting me that I could feel the air of it blow past my forehead!

How's that for having your life flash before your eyes??

Living Out the RM:

So we have our bedding all sorted and replaced now. We lost the double beds (wahhhhh) and got moved to single bunk beds. 10 minutes after we had said goodnight and were lying there, I suddenly had the most hilarious epiphany ever!

I was lying on the bottom bunk....with a Tongan on the top bunk!!

Ummmm HELLO! Exactly like the scene in the RM where Jared gets squashed by the Tongan!!!

I burst out laughing and pointed this out to Sis. Pongi! Safe to say we didn't get to sleep for another 30 mins because we couldn't stop laughing!

Chilled out Tongan on the top bunk. Nerdy white kid on the bottom bunk. Hit like a ton of bricks!

(FYI since then we have pulled apart the bunk beds and converted them into 2 normal single beds! Both of us are now safe, sleeping happily, and are on ground level!)

A man sneezed 6 times in a row on the bus!

The end. I laughed! He is really blessed!!! Fact: it is the strangest thing to hear and witness, who thought it was possible?!

You know you've been serving for too long when.....:

You can describe almost any moment of your day with a quote from an EFY song!

Yup! I have officially hit rock-bottom! My life revolves around EFY songs!!

Noah's Ark:

That is what we got stuck in the other night! Definition of famous last words?:

When you give your investigator your umbrella and tell her that you will be fine because you are only a 15 min walk from home and the rain will PROBABLY hold off until then.....I guess Heavenly Father was chuckling at that and decided to give me the wettest shower of my life!!

Naming my new pub:

I was on exchange and we were talking about English pubs. 2 facts about pubs in the UK:

1. There are about 2 billion pubs in every village! You have not seen pubs until you have moved to the UK.

2. All the pubs here have REALLY strange and silly names! E.g. We live next door to The Old Pear. The White Swan is in another village. There is also The Squirrel. Etc etc.

So we started talking about what we would name a pub if we had the chance! Our top 3 choices:

1. The Pickled Onion (our logic behind this was that the people are so drunk anyways that it wouldn't matter what you named it! As long as it's filled to the brim with beer and ale, they do not care! Once they are drunk, they will think that name is the best thing since sliced bread).

2. Amnesia?:   ...because they won't remember where they are or what they are doing once they get a couple of drinks in them.

3. Dudes and Brews:   because it is catchy and self-explanatory!

So I guess I have a future career in pub naming if I ever fancy such a job! Moral of this story?: Stay in school kids!!!

Renaming companions:

Sis. Pongi has the best name ever! It rhymes with loads of things! A couple of us came up with some new nicknames for her this week:

-Sister Ping Pongi

-Sis. Sing Song Ping Pong-- this name then sparked a conversation about how we should create a musical based on her: PING PONG: THE MUSICAL!!

Scared by a prayer:

So we were having our language study and I was so focused on my studying that I had thought Sis. Pongi had gone upstairs to grab something. 15 mins later she scared the trousers off of me when she suddenly popped up from the ground behind her table (which sits directly opposite from mine). Turns out she had been praying (so she was kneeling and was under the table, out of my viewpoint).

For 15 mins?! Is she really that righteous?! No way! She admitted that she had kept falling asleep and had to restart her prayer 4 times! Thus why she was down there for so long! Classic missionary moment!!

I got mooned by a 3 year old:

So I was playing the piano at church when suddenly a 3 year old boy runs up beside the piano and drops his trousers and pants.

No joke.

I got mooned by a 3 year old....in church! Bet you haven't heard of that one before! Tick that off of my strange missionary experiences list!

Anyways, this computer is about to kick me off so that is it for now!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin xoxoxo

PS. We have a baptism coming up in 3 weeks! Exciting!!! :) 

DJ Tonga, double chins and dumb dryer jokes!

And back to Wigan we go! So the madness is finally beginning to settle down, my bedbug bites (try saying that 5 times fast!) are slowly healing, and our flat is almost livable again!! You really take for granted the small blessings....until the bedbugs attack! Who would have thought that humility and gratitude could be taught by a nasty insect!? Well, they do say that the Lord sometimes teaches us in mysterious ways!!!! 

The Real Secret Behind English Currency!
So we were sitting waiting for our bus the other night (we've been doing a lot of bus waiting this week!!) and I was staring at my £2 coin! I was looking at Queen Elizabeth and noticed something CRAZY! 

They gave her a double chin on the picture!!

Who gives the Queen a double chin!! If I were her, I would be so annoyed! With that much political influence (yes...there was a small hint of sarcasm there), you would think you would have enough power to get an artist to make a rendition of you that did not include a double chin! Just saying!............

God save the Queen!! And her double chin?!

The solution to double chins??! 

We were sitting in the Chorley flat and the dryer was running and we were talking about dryers for some reason because of it! (don't ask! Missionaries talk about strange things! That is a proven fact! The evidence?.......my weekly emails!). 

Sis. Pongi was joking around and asked me if I could fit into the dryer?! (Teasing me about my awkward, tall, gangly height!) 

My response: "Will I shrink if I go in there?! If I will, then sure!"

Call me the next diet/fitness guru! What am I doing wasting my time getting a kinesiology/PE degree for?! Just pop em in the dryer! Problem solved!!! 

.......Speaking of washing and drying!:

We heard the most hilarious story from a brother in our ward during Sunday school! We were studying Ruth (old testament), so I have absolutely NO idea how this story even came up! Absolutely no relation to the lesson topic whatsoever!!! But when things make us laugh, we do not care about the why's of it do we?! True story!

He was talking about how he had to bury a neighbour's cat at 11:30 at night in the pouring rain, because he was the only religious man in their neighbourhood. Apparently the cat had crawled into the washer and the old couple had no idea and threw their clothes on top of it and ran a load of laundry. Skip the outrageous prices of the pet groomer and just stick them in the washer??? 

That part was actually really sad (poor cat! May he rest in peace!), but the way the man described the story was hilarious! Imagine your elderly neighbours pounding on your door at 1130pm at night, bawling and crying about how they had killed their cat in the washing machine and needed a man of God to bury the cat!

So out he went in the rain to dig its grave and say a prayer for it, while the couple stood in the warm/dry doorway crying and mourning over their cat! Life is sure strange sometimes!!

You know you ride buses WAY too much when...:

You recognize that you've ridden that bus before because you can identify the graffiti on the back of the seats!

Enough said! Only 6 more months until me and a left-handed steering wheel are reunited again!!! 

Country- Specific Insults:

So while we have been staying in Chorley, it has been fun because we have 4 different countries represented in the flat; Canada (Eh?!!!), Tonga, America (Idaho specifically) and Ukraine. We were joking around about childhood insults and then the conversation somehow morphed into us creating silly insults the represent our countries.

Favourites:

- You dumb coconut head

- You sticky syrup head

- You baked potato

- You pathetic perogie! 

Being a missionary is the best! No doubt, I will miss being around people from so many different countries! It is the best!! :) 

White man can't jump!

Well, can't say that I already didn't know that from playing college basketball (the black kids who were half my height could practically jump over my head, while I was proud when my vertical got good enough to almost touch the middle-top of the bball net!) but it was proven once again in a hilarious way at the bus station.

So I was sitting and waiting for a bus (what's new?!) and I always seem to notice the most hilarious things when I'm people and/or animal watching at the bus station! 

Two teenaged boys were runnning across the bus station (obviously running to try and catch a bus before it left). They were about the same height and age. The black kid is first to run across the station (obviously ahead of his friend because on top of jumping, white people also suck at running as well!). He runs and vaults beautifully over the fence that divides the lanes of the bus station-- breathtaking performance! Picture perfect!.....then his white friend comes running behind him, gets to the fence, tries to jump and fails, and then has to awkwardly climb over the fence, almost falling on his face as he slid/fell over the other side of the fence! 

Black people > white people!  This was already my belief, but it was certainly confirmed by a hilarious moment of people watching! Black people are just so much physically better than white people (my bball teammates and other friends will appreciate this! I was always accused me of being the ultimate black girl wannabe! Always rapping, dancing around, trying to touch the rim of the bball hoops! A girl can dream!!!) 

Our new name for our 4- sister companionship:

We were trying to find a name that could represent our weird, 4 sister flat companionship. So we combined Wigan and Chorley. The result?

The Chigan companionship (pronounced almost like chicken!)

You can probably imagine that there were some silly chicken noises and jokes that came with the name! (all of the talking that comes from 4 sisters living together can be likened unto a pack of eternally clucking chickens!)

Seeing the English language through foreign eyes:

You know when you were a kid and you would pretend to speak a language that sounded funny to you (e.g. doing impressions of someone speaking Chinese.). Well, when you get to serve with foreign sisters, you really begin to realize just how weird English sounds sometimes! (I bet Chinese kids do impressions of English people too! I can now say that I do not blame them!!)

Word of the week: Shampoo!

Ok. So what kind of word is that?! Seriously! What was their logic?!

"Ummm ok, so we have this fabulous liquid-ish substance that cleans your hair and makes it smell nice. Oh Oh Oh! I know! We should definitely call it something that involves the word poo!"

So Sister Pongi and I were having so many laughs about this! We were making up pretend advertisements while waiting for the bus. "It's amazing! Just sham that poo away from our luxurious, odorous sham-poo!!"

Want to laugh?! Just go through the dictionary and think deeply about average everyday words that we use! You will be entertained! 

DJ Tonga:

So Sis. P often hums really random things while we are walking around! It is funny and always makes for good laughs. Well yesterday we were heading out to go tracting and suddenly I hear a very familiar sound effect/humming noise from her.

I turned to her in shock--- I just had to ask: "Ummmmm, were you just humming the 'Usher' song?!" 

Suddenly Sis. P bursts out in laughter! Yes, she had been making that little siren noise from "Yeah" by Usher (an absolute classic in the hip hop/rap world). She admitted that she was trying to remember what it was from (in her head, for some reason she thought she was remembering something from an EFY song....and innocently thought she was humming something completely different...don't ask me how that happens!). When I helped her remember what she was humming, she just died laughing!

That's my companion everybody! The little gangster Tongan!!! 

Remixing Primary Songs:

So (once again, don't ask me why) Sis. Pongi had a bunch of primary song lyrics written on a napkin and was singing in the middle of the Chorley bus station (do you see a pattern here yet?! Strange things always happen when we are waiting for buses!). We remixed the "Saturday" song.

Sis. P: "Saturdayyyyyyyy is a special day it's the day we get ready for.....wait I can't sing that Saturday was yesterday....I have to change it!"

Us; "Sundayyyyy is a special day it's the day we get ready for P-day!!"

Missionary jokes= Lame? 

Yup! But it keeps us sane!!! 

Well, that's it for this week (phew! You survived all my bad jokes! Stop right now and give yourself a pat on the back! You've done well this week! Endure to the end as we would often say in missionary-land!)

I love you all! Spread that love! Spread the gospel! That is where the greatest joy comes from! Trust me! I kind of have experience and living proof (all my smiles) of this!!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!
Love you all!!
Sister Martin  

When bed bugs attack!

Possibly the craziest week of my mission! The struggles we have been experiencing have been really BUGGING me ;)

So....you know that cute little nursery rhyme about bed bugs?? ...............It is not just a cute little poem! IT IS REAL!!

Fact: There is such things as bed bugs! :(

Evidence: My bitten, bleeding, itchy blood-sucked scalp and neck :(

So I have had to sleep on an older, elder infested mattress and according to our fumigator, old, elder infested mattresses can be the home to BED BUGS (ewwww). Zoology lesson of the day: Bed bugs only come out at night so that is why you rarely actually see them. They bite your head and neck and suck your blood (essentially they have buffet on your noggin) and then once they are all full and happy, they crawl back into your warm, cozy mattress and go to BED as you are waking up confused and itchy! Thankfully they aren't like lice where they stay and reproduce in your head and spread around to everyone (eww eww eww), so I guess I can count my blessings in that way! But with fumigation happening, we have officially been kicked out of the flat for a week! The treatment is a slow working one, so if I sleep in our flat, I will become bug bait again. So we are staying in Chorley with the sister missionaries here and commuting on the bus into Wigan everyday until our house is bug free!

The end? ....I wish!

So before the bed bugs were discovered, our fridge/freezer broke and we lost all our food.....then a day later we discovered bed bugs....and then the day we were in the middle of all our chaos of moving house (tons of phone calls to landlords, mission, fumigators, repairmen etc.) our electricity suddenly broke (power down).

Lesson learned?? Just laugh! And then laugh some more! When life gives you bed bugs....just laugh!!! So life is good! We are alive (a little itchy) and happy! Missionary life is still great and terribly amusing!

Highlights begin now!

Bad missionary handbook rules:

So we realized that we have been breaking a major rule our whole missions. The handbook instructs us that we are not to participate in any swimming activities! Pretty sure I have been swimming in rain puddles for the last year!

Lame joke over. Now on to the rest!

Culture Shock: How Not to eat perogies!

Was on exchange and was informed that I was eating my perogies wrong! How do Eastern Europeans eat perogies?? ....With.....jam and fruit?! Woah! What?! We have been frying ours in oil and onion and bacon my whole life, with a giant dollop of sour cream on the side!

So I tried this out! Actually not bad at all! But extremely weird since I have been eating mine obesity style my whole life! I think I will keep trying it though because it was actually quite nice.

Scriptural Joke of the Week:

We had a mission talent show. I was sitting with my two favourite, silliest, sarcastic sisters from the MTC. The three of us were just full of bad jokes and heckling the whole time. Best quote of the night.

Sister G: I have no talent! This is why I just sit and laugh at those who do.

Me: You do have talents (said in a emphasized, fake, Molly mormon, teary-eyed voice), God AND President Preston said so!

Sister G: Well, where in Moroni 7 does it talk about the spiritual gift of being WEIRD because that is the only talent I'm pretty sure I have!

The list of names I have been called by random elders in the last week ever since I did my rap at the mission talent show:

I shall forevermore be known as:

- Slim Shady

- Wiz Khalifa

- Eminem

- 50 Cent

- The not ugly and gross version of Nicki Minaj

- Sista Hizzle Martin Mizzle Eh?!  (tons of missionaries are arguing on what my rapper name will be! If anyone back home has input/ideas, feel free! It is currently the heated topic of the EMM at the moment!)

-  and the list goes on

Best conversation of the week:

District Leader: "Well anyways, I've got to go and call the other sisters, goodnight slim shady!"

*Phone call ends*

5 seconds later the phone rang and it was our district leader again

-Me (confused): "Did you forget something?"

-District Leader (awkward): "Ummmm so I just freaked out because I called you slim shady and realized you might not even know who that is! That must have sounded really weird/awkward.....Do you know who slim shady is?"

-Me (entertained): "Duh! I played college ball! What baller doesn't know who slim shady is?!"

So I have officially received a phone call, where the caller's sole purpose in calling was to double check that I knew who Slim Shady was! Life never ceases to amaze and entertain me!

Ginger moment of the week:

One of my favourite sisters is a ginger and everybody loves her! She does NOT fit the classic stereotype that society has created about gingers! She is one of the happiest, loveliest, sweet sisters ever! Definitely not capable of having a temper! And no doubt she has a wonderful soul! I would kick anyone who dared to kick her!

So we were playing the umm and ahh game (a game where a person is assigned an extremely random topic-- e.g. elephant ears-- and has to talk about it for a minute straight without mumbling "ummm or ahhh"! It is really hard to do!). I gave her the topic of ginger racism! Her closing remarks of the topic were hilarious!

"And I would like to just finish by saying: Don't judge a ginger by it's colour!"

Amen amen amen!!!

My new dorky creation of the week: more miraculous than my (literal) epiphany light bulb:

So last transfer my thing was to pick up our old burnt out light bulb and hold it over my head every time I thought of something smart (or.....more often than not....really incredibly, shockingly dumb). But that idea has burned out! (har har! knee slap!)

My new annoying entertainment!?

Making paper trumpets and making royal announcements about everything!!

I threatened to use my trumpet to motivate Sister P to start talking to people on the bus. I said if she didn't do it on her own, that I would come on the bus with my trumpet and announce:

"Boooo booo boooooooooo Sister Pongi has come to convert you! Booo Booo Boooooo Baptism for youuuuu!!"

It worked. She is a great missionary and will turn into a bus contacting machine very soon :)

Pants on the ground:

Fact about missionary life! Your perspective on everything changes so much! Little things that never bothered you or that you never noticed suddenly are so obvious, annoying, or hilarious to you.

I was on exchange and my companion and I were walking behind a man who had his trousers soooooooooooo low to the ground. His pants were just hanging out! We are sister missionaries, therefore we are awkward, therefore we find things like this absolutely hilarious and horrifying all at once! I joked and pretended to dig through my handbag for a law of chastity pamphlet and use it to cover his offending underpants. Then I dared my companion to stop him and try and teach him the law of chastity (all about having self-respect and dressing to impress!). Well I got the both of us giggling pretty hard and then he turned around and totally caught us laughing at him. He kinda laughed (thank goodness) and then pulled up his trousers! Oh the memories!

As soon as he turned the corner, I could not help but reference the 1st song that came to my head the second I saw him:

"Pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking like a FOOL with your pants on the ground!!"

- I've never really been an American Idol fan, but I'm grateful that I remembered one of it's classic auditions at the right moment! It made for great laughs!!

Well! The end! Finished! Over! That's it folks! Farewell!

That was my week! Though bug bitten and a bit tired, I am happy and healthy! Missionary work is the best! That is a fact!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!
Sister Martin, signing out!!

Once upon a time I had nothing to email about.....and I lived happily ever after? No way! More like my mum is going to kill me!

It has been a beautiful week! I have the nastiest foot tan ever (it is already looking darker and better than last years and it is only May!). We have knocked on what seems like 2 billion doors and talked to many both strange and wonderful! We have had some miracles! We have had some disappointments. We have had even more laughs! And even more blisters! Lots of weird/silly things have happened, but unfortunately they are not things I can really share (a bit too weird/silly to share......gotta keep the missionary work uplifting and dignified!).

So what is a girl to do when she has no epic mission stories to indulge you all in? Spiritual thought of course!

My favourite thought recently?! .....is actually a video! http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages

Wrong Roads by Elder Holland AND Patterns of Light (a 3 part message!) by Elder Bednar.

These apostles of the Lord put things so simply and beautifully! Faith is so important in the process of living our lives! How often do we feel like we are walking through the fog of life and instead of stepping forward and trusting, we freeze! How often do we allow the world to convince us that faith is for the weak? How often do we convince our own selves to not do righteous things! I have felt that recently! That nagging voice in my head that tells me that I shouldn't bother opening my mouth! That 100 people previously said no, so he/she will too! What is faith?!

Faith is stepping BOLDLY forward and trusting that if it is a good thing, if it is from God; that it will work out and one day turn into eternal, lasting, perfect blessings. And what if it doesn't?! Then we have found a wrong road (as Elder Holland explains). End of the world? Panic? Cry? Have a melt down? Absolutely not!! Jesus Christ suffered all and sacrificed everything so we could make corrections in our lives daily! So we could feel loved and lifted up when we feel the agony of defeat or failed hopes and dreams! So we could have an example to draw from when we are lifting our faces up from the dirty and dusty ground of hurt, fatigue and dissapointment and trying to muster up the strength to stand up and keep walking!

How often is your fear stopping you from doing what you know deep down you should be? Specifically in missionary work! Have you invited someone recently to learn of the blessings of the gospel of Jesus Christ? No?! Why on earth not?! We create fear in our own minds! I have learned this in this past year! Why am I scared to talk to that man on the bus? .....exactly! WHY? He isn't going to shoot me with a gun. He isn't going to pick me up and throw me off the bus (hopefully)! 90% of the time he will be a nice person and if he doesn't want to talk about Jesus Christ, worst case he will be happy to talk about football, the weather and family and friends. What did I gain from that? I met a new person! I grew in my faith! Courage! Resolve to follow the Lord's command! I learned something by interacting with another child of God! And I feel happy and have no conscience of guilt! No worries that I didn't do my part! Do we all feel that daily! Do you go to sleep at night and know that you did absolutely all you could! If not, where is thy faith?

James 2: 17-18, 24

17 Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone.

18 Yea, a man may say, Thou hast faith, and I have works: shew me thy faith without thy works, and I will shew thee my faith by my works.

24 Ye see then how that by works a man is justified, and not by faith only.

Stand up! Change something today! Remove the weight that sits on your shoulders by doing HIS WORK with the hands he blessed you with! That home or visiting teaching list? That nagging guilt that tells you you are supposed to be sharing the blessings of the gospel with others! That small pang of dissapointment that you failed to say a prayer, to do a good deed, to open the scriptures. They can be eliminated! Set life's priorities with faith at the centre! God will compensate ALWAYS for the other things you sacrificed to do so. I have seen this! I feel it daily! This is how eternal life and the blessings of heaven are found in our day to day lives! Stand up and do something now (literally now! Go watch a mormon message! Read a verse of scripture! Send an uplifting text to someone! Just. Do. Something!). You have all the tools to do so! God literally can talk to you! Revelation is a power channel for change and daily miracles! Go out and discover that today!

I love you all! I pray that you will grow in faith! Be happy! Uplift others! Do good things! That is why we are here! To change, grow, and to lift up others and help them to do the same! I pray you see miracles as you do these things! I pray that people will be mindful of others! June is a month of invitation in England (not sure if it is everywhere else as well!). We are focussing on inviting people to come to church! I dare you to do it! Are you up for the challenge!? Do you trust that it will work out? Does a bit of fog scare you?! Take that step and you will quickly watch the fog of life burn off, as the beautiful strength of the God's sunlight penetrates and pushes away the distractions and doubts of our lives!

Until next week!

I hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Xoxoxoxo Sister Martin!

English Rapper Outfit

Liverpool Beach

Butty Bar aka Sandwich Shop

Cozy car ride to stake conference - Tiny English cars equal feeling of being in a clown car!

Tracting in the English countryside