"...And out of small things proceedeth that which is great.": Life according to elders!

The weather has been BEAUTIFUL! The temple is still breath-taking! And I am loving life here in Chorley!! What can I say?! I'm serving with a dear friend! We have the MOST POSH FLAT EVER (we each have our own bathrooms! Can I say more?!). The sun is shining and the spirit reminds us everyday how much we are loved! Life is good! Like the song goes, all you need is love (...and posh bathrooms and pretty temples!)

Pffft! Who needs a sat-nav?! :

Before I begin my traditional cheeky banter:

English to Canadian translation for my crazy Canucks back home:

Sat Nav = GPS

Ok, now we can proceed!

You know you are serving in Molly-Mormon ville when........

You do not need a map 70% of the time because you can use the angel Moroni on top of the temple as your navigator! #lettheholyspiritguide??

You REALLY know you are serving in Molly-Mormon ville when.......:

Every other day a car(s) honks at you AND..... they aren't shouting rude things at you for once!! Half the people here are members! We feel like celebrities having people waving and yelling and honking because they are actually happy to see us! Certainly a nice change of scenery! Excuse me while I go buy some outrageous sunglasses and a stretch limo to fend off all the paparazzi!

You REALLY REALLY know you are serving in Molly-Mormon ville when....:

Half the people you stop on the street are already members of the church! Awkward! So this is what it feels like to serve in Utah?! Now I know how my dad felt on his mission! :) (shout-out to the Salt Lake City South mission graduating class of 1980-something!!)

Life according to elders:

So if you want to witness and hear the strangest and the craziest things that this world has to offer, I can now say from experience that these things can be discovered very easily!.......

...Just have a 3 hour lunch with a bunch of elders at a Chinese buffet!

So a bunch of elders, an RM from our ward, and Sis. Pongi and I had our "last supper" (before transfers hit) this last Monday. Never in my life have I heard so many crazy, weird, shocking, hilarious, ridiculous comments in my life! My favourites of the day:

What noise does a salmon make?

Now, you may be thinking to yourself: "Hmmmm this question sounds familiar! I think I have heard this before!"

That, my friends, is because you have! So I asked this question in my email a few weeks back (the week that Sis. P and I struggled to pinpoint what noise a salmon makes). So I decided to seek the elders' wisdom and opinion on this life-changing question.

Leave it to a group of 19 year old boys in suits to find the simple, easy answers in everything. Their response was almost instant:

"Duhhhhh! A salmon goes: *Sizzle Sizzle Sizzle* (the noise of a fish on the grill).

This is why they say the key to a mans heart is through his stomach! Point proven!

The Prison System Revised.......by elders?

An elder comes back from the buffet with probably his 57th plate of food and very thoughtfully declares:

"I think I have discovered a new torture.......eat until you barf!"

The greatest compliment you could ever receive?:

I was telling our elders how I don't know our new zone leaders very well and was asking them to tell me more about them. Our district leader's response:

"Hmmm! Elder M. He is reallly, really nice......I'm wearing his trousers right now."

So if you want to make good friends and build a good reputation, skip the whole working hard, being cheerful and friendly bit, and just give away really posh pairs of trousers!

What have I been doing with my life these past 22 years! Clearly trying too hard!

The real reason why food is so addictive:

Elder #2 returns to the table with plate number 67.3! Stares at the plate and then with a giant mouthful of samosa sighs:

"Vegetable samosa. Why do I love you so much?"

His companion immediately pipes in: "Probably has nicotine in it!"

Companionship unity 101:

It was beautiful seeing how well one companionship knew each other. I asked one elder:

"where did your companion go?"

His immediate response: "probably throwing up so he can eat more food!"

Racism at a Chinese buffet:

Jaw dropping comment of the night goes to .........an elder (of course).

Licking his fingers as he carefully devoured a piece of chicken, his surfaced from his plate and commented with conviction:

"Mmmmmh! Slave chicken! Skinny....but lots of muscle on it!"

Never in my life! That is all I have to say about that! Racism is so bad, but it is just plain weird, funny, and not funny at all when it is directed at a piece of chicken.

How to guilt-trip an RM into eating all his vegetables:

Parents! Listen up! I may have the solution to those little fussy eaters you have at home!

So the RM that was with us was bragging before the meal that he was going to eat 6 plates of food. By plate 5 he was really slowing down and declared that he was done and out for the count!

Me-- being the sweet, lovely girl who can never resist any opportunity to give people are hard time-- decided to give him a little encouragement to finish all his vegetables!

"Hey!! What's wrong with you! There's starving children in Africa you know!!!"

The precious chicken elder then piped in as he pointed at the plate: "Ya! See! Slave chicken right there!"

This RM served in South Africa.

It worked! He replied solemnly "You're right!" and dove right into that plate and finished it off!!

Just send your kids off on missions to Africa and they will come home appreciating everything so much more!!

My LOL, knee-slapper joke of the week:

So I made up my own missionary joke this week! Our district leader asked us the other night if my companion is getting trunky!

I suddenly had a little epiphany!

We are in England. So this jargon needs to be adjusted to better suit the English culture!

My response to him:

"Elder, my companion is not trunky.....she is booty!"

Break-down of the joke:

Compartment at the back of a car equals:

-Trunk in N. America

-Boot in England

Therefore, my companion is BOOTY!

(*A little side note before we move on. I want to state that I AM aware that when we say a missionary is trunky, that we are referring to a TRUNK- like a suitcase-- and not a car part! Just so I can avoid getting know-it-all emails correcting me on a gross misinterpretation of Mormon culture!

Ok? Sound good? Great! Now we can all relax, let out a giant LOL and knee-slap together and enjoy the cheesiness of the whole thing!)

CORNY joke of the week:

I challenged my new district leader and his companion to come up with a joke that was cheesier that the one I just told you! I think they did a great job!

"What did baby corn say to mama corn?

Where's POP-corn?!"

Bahahaha ha.

Who do you think you are??

Fact! The queen of Sheba is in the bible! Don't know how, but I've never managed to pick up on this in my entire life of being a church kid!

1 Kings 10! Read it! Bam!

Changed my life! There is suddenly a meaning behind the classic saying: "Who do you think you are? The queen of Sheba!" Maybe I'll find out who Murphy and Pete are in the bible too! Who knows! I think I have found my next scriptural quests! Knowing my luck though, this excitement will only be short-lived and this will be the end of my scriptural discovery (Murphy's law!)

My 1st Wedding on the Mission:

This weekend was fun! One of the MTC teachers who is in our ward got married on Saturday! It was so nice to be able to be there and witness my 1st church wedding! It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed being able to do service for such a wonderful couple!

It is so fun serving in Chorley for that reason! Half of the MTC teachers are in our ward, so it is like a giant reunion getting to see them all again! I can't say enough about the MTC teachers in England! They are a brilliant bunch of people! I envy them! They have the best job ever!!

Well anyways! Congratulations! You have survived another week of pathetic jokes from the one and only Sister Martin! I love you all! Never forget it! Go out and give a pass-along card to someone! I dare you! You'll feel amazing afterwards! This work is incredible! I love being a missionary so much! The spirit we feel out here is beautiful! There is nothing better than having a sure knowledge that God loves us so very much! To know that any barriers ahead can be obliterated through Christ (2 Cor 12:9-10). To have peace and contentment in a world of crazy people and things! Go find some of that peace for yourself! Say an extra prayer this week! Spread the love of Christ everywhere-- treat everyone the way you would want to be treated! It's not hard and it costs you nothing!!

I love you!!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin!

They have a Five Guys Burger and Fries in Manchester...