Reality television and celebrity conversions!

Hello Home Fries! (or should I say chips?! ....hmmmm...so confusing!)

What is life like in a trio? Ridiculous! And Hilarious! Please refer to the below as evidence: :) 

Where's Waldo!

Just purely a fun fact for my friends back home. (I already knew this months ago, but had completely forgotten to tell you all about it!)

Where's Waldo = Where's Wally in England.

Waldo looks exactly the same. The game is exactly the same (try and find Waldo in the midst of loads of random stuff). They just have a different name for him. 

Why??! I have absolutely no idea, but this week I will try to find out from random people on the street (as I always do). My theory is that Wally is simply easier for their accent to pronounce! Some words are just too harsh for the English (thus, why it is rubbish here instead of garbage! The R is just too harsh for their accents!!). We'll see if I'm right :) 

Streetcontacting into Snoop!

A member shared the most inspiring thing with us ever! A picture of 2 sister missionaries giving a Book of Mormon to SNOOP DOG at an American football game!!!!! Ummmm! WHAT?!?!?! SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!!!!

I'm so jealous! Probably the most legit thing I've ever seen! 

And it has re-inspired me! My double cousin and I (my mum's brother married my dad's sister......just think about that for a minute and let it blow your mind!) had this vision and goal before I left that I would convert David Beckham! I have not given up! Though I must admit I think it now might be more appropriate for me to try and convert the members of N-dubs (Dappy I think the main rappers name was) instead since my missionary rapping career took off a few months back ;) I would like to thank those sister missionaries for giving me the hope to never give up on my celebrity conversion dreams!!! With God anything is possible! 

It sucks to be that duck!

I told you all about "Duckshaw" village the other week! Well we saw a wondrous thing the other day:

As we were observing our normal swarms of Buckshaw ducks the other day, we saw........

A ONE-LEGGED DUCK!!!!!!! 

Wa-bam! What?!

In a dorky, messed-up way, it was really inspiring! His beak was cracked a bit, and he had his one leg, but he just kept hopping along like nothing was wrong! He played and moved around just as good as all the other ducks (feels like I'm about to start breaking into a twisted version of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reighdeer!) and seemed like a perfectly happy creature! 

I decided to name him Terry Fox! (appropriate that we saw him in September-- the month back home where we honour Terry Fox and all he did for cancer research)

Who would have thought something so random could actually be endearing and inspiring! Only in missionary life!

Classifications of Rejection: Part 3(? I think ?)

We discovered another classification of rejection this week (we must have over 10 now!). 

Constipation: Missionary talks to random person on street or at door step. Person just stares at missionary with a look that closely resembles somebody who is really constipated. Missionary asks person question/tries to talk to them more. Person continues to give no reply and just make the constipated face. Missionary feels awkward and finds a smooth way to end the conversation......Person just continues in constipation until said missionary is gone. 

I had that happen the other day. We were going all around the village handing out invites to a community centre again. We were doing absolutely no preaching (just giving away the flyers) so there really was no reason for any constipation this time! But anything is possible when you are a missionary! 

I tell this man about the event and hold out my arm to give him a flyer. He just stares in silence. I politely tell him he doesn't have to take it if he doesn't want to. Continues to just stare....I finally cracked and asked him "Are you alright?!". He finally snaps out of his constipation trance, takes the flyer and shuts the door. 

Awkward! 

But so goes the life of a missionary :) 

Funniest Tongue Twister of the Week:

A member had a funniest tongue twister moment of the week. She went to try and tell someone that "that was a funny faux pas!" 

Instead it came out:

"That was a funny par feau!"

Her daughter's response:

"Mum, stop trying to make par fau happen!" (this is the family that constantly inserts Mean Girls quotes into conversations at the most inappropriate times! Hilarious!!)

Funniest Church Joke of the Week:

Tip for friends back home that want to have a successful tea appointment with their local missionaries! Just start swapping church jokes! We love it, and guarantee the missionaries will know loads that they can entertain you with!

My 2 favourites of this week!

-Moses is the bigger sinner in the Bible because he broke the 10 commandments.

- What was the 1st sport in the Bible? Tennis! Because Joseph served in Pharaohs court! 

Favourite Hymn of the Week:

159! I just discovered this hymn this morning! I've never in my entire life of going to church noticed it in the hymn book before! I relate to this hymn so much!! 

Now the Day is Over:

1. Now the day is over;

Night is drawing nigh;

Shadows of the evening

Steal across the sky.

2. Jesus, give the weary

Calm and sweet repose;

With thy tend'rest blessing

May our eyelids close.

There is nothing more beautiful than a song all about going to sleep! I LOVE SLEEP!!!!!!! 

Can-eh-dian Sister Problems:

That awkward moment when................

You get teased 24/7 for pronouncing your new companion's accent with a super Canadian accent!

People love bagging  us out (note the pun!) about the way we say "tag" and "bag". So you can imagine how much I get teased by my two American companions whenever I say the name Sister TAGgart!  

What can I say! I'm proud to be a Canadian :) 

Team MTC:

I don't remember if I told you last week, but we had an amazing epiphany the other week! The 1st letter of our last names creates the acronymn: MTC!!

And our area covers the MTC!

What what!?

This has not only turned out to be incredibly fun, but also very practical! We now pray in MTC order, so it's impossible for us to forget who prayed last! Genius!! 

Who needs television when you're a missionary?!

I can now tell you with a real-life example why having an 18 month break from tv is no big deal at all :)

We were at the bus stop the other day and there were a bunch of weird people doing a bunch of really weird things (unfortunately, that is very normal to witness when you take the bus every day, multiple times a day). 

An old man waddles towards us, observes the weirdness, and with a wink says to us: "Don't need to watch Coronation street do ya?!" 

I love English humour if I haven't stated that enough times already over the course of my mission! They are a hilarious bunch!!

I got distracted and forgot to finish my email! Ooops! I had a fab spiritual thought but I guess I'll have to share next week :( But I'll leave you with my fav scripture of the week at least!

Jacob 3: 1-2

 1 But behold, I, Jacob, would speak unto you that are pure in heart. Look unto God with firmness of mind, and pray unto him with exceeding faith, and he will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction.

 2 O all ye that are pure in heart, lift up your heads and receive the pleasing word of God, and feast upon his love; for ye may, if your minds are firm, forever.

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!
Sister Martin 

All for one and one for all!!

Well, in 3 days you can just start calling the Chorley sister missionaries the 3 musketeers because............

WE ARE GETTING A 3rd COMPANION!!

Yup! Sis. Cross and I both are staying AND Sis. Taggart will be joining our companionship! We both know Sis. T quite well (she is super nice)-- Sis. Cross and her were in the MTC together and I have been on exchange with her-- so we are nothing but absolutely excited for her to join us!

It will be interesting to see how life will change after spending 15 months of doing EVERYTHING in two's! Food for 2, chores for 2, conversation for 2, teaching in 2's! This will be an insane, but fun adjustment! The potential for us to double our work efforts though are marvelous!!  What a unique experience we will get to have! 

Triple Threat!! :)

Time for your weekly highlight reel!

Missionary's First........Kebab??

I can now say that I have had a kebab! We have something kind of similar back home-- donairs.....(I think that's how you spell it). I would say a kebab is quite similar to a donair (those meat pita things you can get a Greek shops back home!)

For my Canadian friends, I shall define a kebab.

Basically in any chippie (which I defined for you last week) you can get a kebab. They are as dodgy as the greasy chippie that makes them! So essentially how a kebab is made: there is a giant, spinning, vertical skewer type thing that has this giant long wad of unknown meat on it. The chippie worker then uses this shaver thing to shave off massively long strips of the mystery meat, which is then thrown into a pita with lettuce, other veg, and usually a sauce of your choice. A kebab is about 95% meat (just packed as full as possible with long mystery meat strips) and probably the unhealthiest thing you could find in the UK! Kebabs are famous for making people sick all the time, but they are so delicious that most people will take the risk of spending their whole day afterwards in the toilet! I am grateful to say I guess the Lord protects his missionaries because we were just fine (...this time). And I hate to admit that it tasted really good! I probably will not have another one though, as I value my life more than 10 kilos of mystery meat!

Best part of my week though was actually not eating the kebab, but discovering (after telling a member about our kebab experience) that there is a chain of kebab shops in Ireland called Abra Kebabra! Maybe I have a ridiculously childish sense of humour, but I found this to be both catchy and absolutely hilarious!

That Awkward Moment When....

A member accidentally calls you by your first name??

I didn't think that could happen, but it did.

A lot of members have me on facebook, so naturally they know and see my first name often. It was so hilarious last night as during tea we are chatting with the members and one of them goes

"How old are you again Erika??"

The second it left her mouth she looked so shocked and horrified at herself. I was stunned for a second (hearing your first name is super strange and foreign once you've been on the mission for awhile), but then it took me about 2 seconds before I burst out laughing! I thought it was cute and funny to see how embarrassed she was! Who thought first names could be such a funny thing!? :) 

DJ Brotab!

We are throwing a massive family history event in the community this weekend and the member we asked to organize music for the event made the most profound comment:

"We can't have any boring MOTAB at this event! Nothing but Brotab will be pumping in da house!"

Amen! 

I met a Canadian on a bus!!!:

I met a random lady from Richmond on the bus! I was more excited than a kid on Christmas morning when I realized she was Canadian! She was one the phone talking to someone and as I listened to her accent, my "Eh!-dar" was on full-gear! The second she said "bag", my suspicion that she was a fellow Canuck was confirmed and the second she hung up I was like: "What part of Canada are you from?!?"

It's always nice to meet someone from home! It definitely made my day :) 

The Perpetual RM Fund!:

I decided that I want to convince the church to start a new program! 

Sorry President Hinckley! Time to throw out the old and bring in the new! The perpetual education fund is old news! Time for The Perpetual RM Fund!! 

I just think about how poor and sad my life will be when I go home and then I realized how all RM's must go through this same thing! Obviously we need a Perpetual RM Fund!! I've been asking members if they would donate towards it on my behalf if it existed! It is so shocking every time they just reply with a laugh and tell me to keep eating my tea! ;) 

Marriage is like a deck of cards (member quote of the week):

A member was joking and ranting about how husbands never listen and all of the other weird habits that they have. She shared the funniest quote with us this week to summarize all her feelings!: 

"Marriage is like a deck of cards. You need a heart to love him, a diamond to marry him, a club to hit him, and a spade to bury him!"

Enough said :P Next time your husband is driving you nuts, just ask him if he wants to play a round of cards!

I have a great spiritual thought that I wanted to share, but I am really short on time so I'm going to save it for next week so I can do it justice! Instead I will just leave you with my favourite scripture of the week:

 37 Therefore, care not for the body, neither the life of the body; but care for the soul, and for the life of the soul.

 38 And seek the face of the Lord always, that in patience ye may possess your souls, and ye shall have eternal life.

Always keep the eternal in mind! Cherish those things that will last beyond this life on earth: family, God, Jesus Christ, changing and becoming the best you, you can be! 

I love you all!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!
Sister Martin xoxoxoxo 

Harry Potter Business...

Sister Hunter and Sister Martin

Sunset - Buckshaw Village where Erika lives

Sister Cross and Sister Martin

Size Difference! - Sister Cross and Sister Martin

A kite found in a tree after a wind storm

A member's garden complete with telephone box!

Fun at the Bishop's home...

This is an African boy band (literally) that sings gospel music in Africa.  They were on holiday for a month in England and took the missionary lessons.

Chippy on the wall - see her last post for the story to go with it

The Preston Temple

Dodgy chippys and tangy tarts!

Happy September! :)

I would say that September has finally come, but I'm pretty sure that it has been September here for the past month! Strangely enough, I'm grateful that it's September because its less depressing to get soaked in September (when it is actually supposed to be raining) than it is to get soaked in August (when it should be sunny and beautiful!). 

The Ice Bucket Challenge.....According to the English:

So members have been telling us all about this ice-bucket challenge thing that has been going on. My understanding of it is that you basically video-tape yourself as you get a bucket of ice-water dumped on your head and if you don't do it you have to donate to charity....sounds fun(...ny)! 

We were talking about it with some members and one of them was saying that it would be a total joke if she got nominated because everyday in the UK is like a human ice-bucket challenge:

"Hi! My name is blahblahblah and I am doing the ice-bucket challenge....here we call it leaving the house!!"

What can I say?! The UK and ridiculous amounts of rain are like PB and J! They just go together (my wet shoes and brollies can testify of this!). So I can proudly say that I have been doing the ice-bucket challenge everyday for 15 months! How's that for charity?! :) 

A Lesson In English History!:

Breaking news! I realized that we have a rare, ancient artifact right here in Chorley!!! 

....it's called the library carpets!

We were walking through the library last week and as the overpowering, musty stench of the nasty, ancient carpets hit my nostrils, I may or may not have burst out to my companion a little too loudly:

"I'm pretty sure the library carpets are older than the country!" 

Today I am grateful for the modern housing and appliances that awaits me back home! It is a beautiful country here, but sometimes its beauty does come with the price of putting up with its ripened, aged architecture! ;) 

Call-In Craziness:

Every night we talk to our district leader on the phone and tell him all about our day. One particular night I had remembered a pack of malteasers that a member had given to us and cracked it open as we were chatting away. Sis. C and I were happily chomping away on them, when for whatever reason I thought it would be fun for us to stand on opposite ends of the room and try and throw them into each others mouths in as many different ways as possible. As we were doing this (just picture the chocolate balls flying all over the flat)-- while still reporting on our day to our district leader-- I froze, realized how silly and immature this probably looked and made a conclusion:

This is what happens when you take all technology and free time away from a bunch of 20-something year-olds! 

And this is also the reason why missions are the best! No technology means you can expect the unexpected 24/7! "Good-old fashioned fun" truly does make for the best memories!

What to do when tea falls through:

So we found ourselves in a bit of a pickle (or as they prefer to say here: a gherkin) the other night. 

Planned Schedule: 

6pm: Tea at a member's home. 

7pm: Ward sealing night at the temple (which is just across the street from the member's home). 

What really happened: 

5:45pm: Get out late from teaching appointment. We call the member and ask if they can come and get us so we aren't late for tea. 

Member's response: "Sure thing! Where am I giving you a lift to?"

Me: "Ummmmm (**awkward**)...yours....for tea???"

Member: "Ahhh (**freakout**) we totally forgot, meet us at this random restaurant as soon as you can and we'll have a meal there"

Me: "Ummmm (**awkward again**), we totally would do that any other time, but we have to be at the temple for 7ish so we wouldn't have enough time to have a sit-down meal......but don't worry about it, we'll have tea another time, it's totally no problem! We have plenty of money so Sister C and I can just grab a quick fast food meal on our own instead!"

Member: "Sorry...blahblahblah I feel so bad...." The end. 

We really didn't mind at all grabbing our own tea. We had budgeted wisely and had plenty of money to grab tea somewhere so it was no big deal. Our only problem was that there are no fast-food places in our area, so (very aware of limited time) we dashed for the bus and headed towards town (out of our area) to try and find something.

Halfway into town, I noticed a sign for a chippy (a chippy is kind of like a fish and chips shop but they sell more than just fish and chips. They sell all kinds of random deep-fried things and can be found all over the place in England. You know one when you see one: A. Because of it's smell: they smell like grease and random dodgy meat.  AND  B. Because they all look kinda of dodgy, but usually taste pretty good....just don't ask what they do to make it taste good and you'll be fine). I couldn't even see the chippy but in faith desperately hit the button to get off the bus and hoped that we would find it (I knew we wouldn't have enough time to go all the way into town and back, so this mystery chippy was our only option at this point). 

We get off the bus and find this chippy down a tiny random back alleyway. As fast as we could we ordered our food and ran back for the bus. Despite our best efforts, we still missed the bus by about 3 minutes. The buses only run every 30 mins so our genius plan to grab a chippy and go back to the chapel and eat it before the temple was dashed. 

We realized we had not choice but to eat it at the bus stop (this way we could get straight off the bus and go straight into the temple and still make it just barely on time). We desperately looked around trying to find somewhere to put down our food (they put your fish and chips in newspaper and don't give you a fork and knife...so you could imagine how it is literally impossible to eat a chippy without being able to set it down on something). We looked at our dining options and we had 2 choices:

1. There was a rubbish bin with an big ashtray on top that looked clean (because of the rain).

2. A dirty, mud-covered brick wall behind the bus stop. 

We honestly debated the ashtray (it didn't look that bad), but decided it would not look good for 2 sister missionaries to eat off of a ashtray, so we opted for the brick wall. 

We looked like the worlds biggest chavs as we ate fish and chips with our hands (no serviettes or cutlery) in the rain at the bus stop. The top of the wall was angled (kind of like a roof) so the fish and chips was balanced on the angled top of the wall. 

Whenever people were approaching, we would pack up our food as fast as we could and hide it away so we didn't embarrass ourselves. We made so many jokes as we ate our meal. We debated offering to use our food as a object lesson to teach people the gospel:

"Hi! Today we are teaching about the word of wisdom, which teaches you to take good care of your body! "Know ye not that your body is a temple of God? (*insert Paul here*)...."...we are going to the temple right after we are done this big, greasy chippy! LOL!..." 

I also realized that this meal meant we were good missionaries:

My justification and logic for this:

- Samuel the Lamanite preached the gospel on a wall! So what?! We ate fish on a wall, so who is the better fisherman now?!?! (Take that Samuel!)

Pretty much this wayyy too long description of a random story that is probably not interesting or funny to you at all is just to reiterate the point I made earlier:

This is what happens when you take all technology and free time away from a bunch of 20-something year-olds! 

And this is also the reason why missions are the best! No technology means you can expect the unexpected 24/7! "Good-old fashioned fun" truly does make for the best memories!

:)

New Catchphrase of the Transfer:

It seems that every transfer my companion and I come up with some kind of random catchphrase that we use everywhere. Last transfer's was the following:

"Are you calling me fat?!"

We would just say that in response to anything and everything and it was really funny!

As of Friday our new catchphrase is:

"I blame the chippy!"

That will now be our excuse and answer for everything! Try it! It's actually really funny! 

Awkward Tall Girl Moments:

I can truly say that these types of moments happen daily! Especially when you live in a country where everything from the cars, roads, portion sizes and homes are small! 

We were getting a lift to a baptism with some members and I had to wedge myself awkwardly into the back seat to be able to fit my long legs behind the front seat. When we arrived to the chapel, the members discussed with us for ages where they could go to get a meal while they waited for us to be done at the baptism. Once we had helped them decide what to eat for tea, I began the process of trying to get out of the car. I was really struggling to unwedge myself out of the car!! In my attempt to get out, my skirt had shimmied up a decent amount and my knees where exposed (**gasp!! #sistermissionarysin). 

The brother at the wheel looked back to ask if I needed any help getting out and I yelled out "Don't look at me! My knees are showing!" (obviously said in my classic Sister Martin sarcasm!) His YSA daughter (in the back with us) then one-up'd my sarcasm and piped in: 

"Oh my! Looks like we're having TARTS for dinner instead!

And this is why I love this country! They can keep up with the sarcasm! I am truly at home here!!

The Classifications of Rejection: Part 3:

We came up with another form of rejection this week!

Oh Poo!: When a person claims they cannot stop and talk because they are walking their dogs (note the plural form of the word dog is used! It almost seems like its a law that if you have a dog in England, that you need to have at least 3! You rarely find someone who has only one dog). Apparently if they stop walking, their dogs will just twitch and spontaneously implode!!  

Car Shopping: 
As we were driving to the baptism, tart girl made the funniest comment ever! We were looking at cars in car parks and asking each other which one we'd like to have. Her dad goes "I like that black one!". The daughter responds: "It's not black dad! It's African American!" 

The funny part is that they moved here from South Africa only a couple of years ago. So it was a like a two-edged sword (as we'd say in the scriptures!). One-side was taking the mickey out of Americans (i.e my companion--whose family is all from Southern, super red-neck parts of the USA) and the other side was taking the mickey out of their own selves! 

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS......(me):

It's official. No one understands me. Literally! 

I actually am starting to want to come home! Not because I want my mission to be over, but because I want my original accent back so people can understand me again.

At least once (or more) a day now, people do not understand my accent. I have seriously gotten a terrible hybrid accent! Everybody thinks I'm Irish or from some really random European places! My companion finds this hilarious! I do not! Time to put the Eh back in this Canadian I think! 

Thought of the Week:

I have nothing to say. I think it says everything for itself! 

http://www.mormonchannel.org/video/mormon-messages?v=1101413011001

Come What May and Love It! That is truly the secret to having a happy life! This phrase perfectly summarizes my last week! This is the reason I have a smile on my face and have loved every second of my mission! 

Anyways! Time to go! Email time is short here in temple land! 

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!
Love Sister Martin xoxoxo

Resuscitation, more rejections and the random songs and service that spew out of my brain!

Short email today folks! Uni registration calls! 

Bringing family history back to life!

We were teaching the cutest family after a tea appointment the other day! We were talking with them all about family history and in a discussion with their young children we asked them:

Us: "So, what are some ways we can help our ancestors?"

5 year old girl: "You mean like dead people?"

Us: "Yes, that's one way to put it! Like dead people!"

Little girl: "Ohh ohh ohh I know! You can go like this......"

She then proceeded to do an imitation of someone doing CPR-- with sound effects to go with it.

I nearly died laughing! 

Us: "Well....that is a really good answer! That perhaps may help someone who is dy-ING, but we are talking about people who have already died. Lets think of some more ideas...."

Their parents were mortified, but I thought it was the cutest thing ever! I always stand by it! Kids say the darnedest things! :)

The Classifications of Rejection:

We came up with a new one (the name of it is courtesy of one of the members in Chorley ward who had been helping us come up with names!)

The Witness Protection Rejection: Person sets an appointment up with you and gives you a fake phone number to call or address to show up to. You then go call the number or go to the door the next day and experience utter awkwardness as a confused person tells you that there is no Johnny living there! 

Random Quote of the Week:

Daughter to a mum: "You always pick on me!!"

Mum: "That's because you are a nostril!"

That awkward moment when (English edition).........

A moron is driving around dangerously in his massive hummer, goes to turn onto a street and gets stuck because his vehicle is larger than the narrow English roads! 

Nothing was more satisfying than getting to watch him slam on his brakes and have to sheepishly back out onto the main road again with his ridiculously big vehicle! Save the big cars and egos for North America, because there is literally not enough room for them here ;) 

The Musician has struck again!

No! It's not a rap! 

I randomly decided to write a cheesy song this week to sing to our members. It goes to the tune of pop-corn popping: 

I looked out my front door and what did I see?

Chorley sister missionaries singing to me!
This tone deaf singing is a strange surprise

Hopefully our sour notes don't make you cry!
We've come with this arm-full of store bought treats!
To thank you for always being so sweet

It wasn't really so, but it seemed to be

The Chorley sister missionaries thanking me! 

So just picture me running around Chorley, knocking on members doors, and singing this with a dorky look on my face and an armful of cheap cookies! Yup! That's my life in a nutshell and I love it! Challenge of the week! Go find a small act of kindness to go do! It goes a really long way! It only took me 10 mins to write that little song and it brought massive smiles! So imagine how much more of an impact you could make on someone with a few minutes and desire to do good! If a missionary (who NEVER has time) can do it, so can you!!! 

There is a reason the scriptures emphasize so much on serving and loving others! It brings them joy! It brings you joy! Win-win! The fact is that if we love God, we will love and serve his children (our neighbours....our brothers and sisters)-- Mosiah 2:17-- and through serving them we in turn develop more love for God AND for others! You really can't go wrong in doing a kind deed! 

Mosiah 2:17 

 17 And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God.

Matthew 22: 34-40

 34 ¶But when the Pharisees had heard that he had put the Sadducees to silence, they were gathered together.

 35 Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,

 36 Master, which is the great commandment in the law?

 37 Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.

 38 This is the first and great commandment.

 39 And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

 40 On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.

I LOVE you all! So very much!!!!! I pray you have a wonderful week! I pray you are blessed to be able to serve someone this week! Remember how blessed you are!!!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin! 

Fatness and first world problems!

Time is short as always so I'll jump straight into it this week!

Diagon Alley or Bust!:

I'll admit, we have lots of weird jokes and we are absolutely pathetic because we think we are absolutely hilarious and laugh at our own jokes, but I genuinely think that this one is actually funny!

We decided that it would be so fun to go into town center one day, walk up to a wall, start tapping random bricks with our brollies, and then look all frustrated and ask a random passerby-er (in the thickest American accent possible): 

"Excuse me! Could you please tell me how to get to Diagon Alley?! This is how they did it in the movies but it's not working!"

Kids Say the Darnedest Things:

We taught the primary a couple weeks back and a teacher told us the cutest story this past week. The following Sunday after we had taught, the teachers asked the kids who had come to visit them last week and a little boy shouted out:

"The Mission-Mary's" 

So I am proud to say that I am a full time Mission Mary! 

Epiphany of the Week:

My poor companion has been dealing with some allergies-- meaning that she is sneezing all over the place! One day during a prayer she started sneezing like nobody's business and I had the greatest realization:

You get double blessings when you sneeze while saying a prayer! The Lord blesses you for talking to him AND your friend blesses you for sneezing!

So next time you find yourself in a pinch, skip the allergy medication, go kneel down in a field of pollen, and pray the day away! ;) 

Cheesy Quote of the Week: 

I don't even remember why, but something had really annoyed me earlier in the week and I was ranting about it to my companion. The rant went as follows:

"I'm a little cheesed right now....(*struggling to express myself in big girl words)...I don't know how else to put it!"

My companion suggestion:

"....like a little baby-belled or gouda'd??"

Isaiah for Dummies!:
So for the average Joe (understandably) the words of Isaiah are more than a little intimidating! However! There is one scripture that anyone can certainly appreciate and our entire congregation got to enjoy it this Sunday!

We had the greatest sacrament meeting! The entire program was open for members of the congregation to just get up and share their favourite scripture with everyone! One of the best sacrament meetings I've ever been too! Right before the meeting was over, one last person got up to share the following scripture from Isaiah:

Isaiah 55:2

 1 Ho, every one that thirsteth, come ye to the waters, and he that hath no money; come ye, buy, and eat; yea, come, buy wine and milk without money and without price.

 2 Wherefore do ye spend money for that which is not bread? and your labour for that which satisfieth not? hearken diligently unto me, and eat ye that which is good, and let your soul delight itself in fatness.

This is a very popular scripture that missionaries love to joke about (just think about the number of tea appointments we go to as missionaries! Enough said!). 

The best part was our bishop afterwards. He was the scheduled to be the last one to share his favourite scripture. He gets up and goes: 

"Hey! What a coincidence! That's my favourite scripture too!!"

Bishop is a big man! And the best bishop I've ever had!  We literally call him the big boss!

So tip of the day anybody (and especially those in the church!) There is no better way to earn respect and love than to be able to have fun and laugh at yourself! Something I've definitely come to learn and love on my mission! 

Aussie/South African Lingo of the Week:

After having served with a couple of Aussies and spent a decent amount of time around South Africans, this lingo wasn't shocking to me but I still found it hilarious this past week.

Aussies and S. Africans will often use the following phrases to describe things:

"That was cool-as....that was weird-as....that was bad-as". They just put the word "as" after everything. 

I don't know where the saying came from, but you can probably imagine that when they talk too quickly and when they are telling you how cool-as or bad-as something was, it doesn't always sound quite right.

So you could imagine how hard it was for me to control myself when I was watching the reactions of some other members who were overhearing our conversation with another family who was describing something in church to us: "It was so bad-as". 

A funny bit of lingo I've come to find endearing about my Aussies and S. Africans, but safe to say probably not something I'll pick up and bring home with me :) 

#1stworldproblems: 

We have some friends visiting from Africa right now who we are sharing the gospel with. We joked that we are going to send them home with boxes of Books of Mormon and Bibles so they can go convert all their friends and start a ward within a week of them being home (the people in Africa are just so humble and receptive to the gospel of Jesus Christ). 

My companion and I were talking about Africa and then started talking about missions in smaller, more humble countries. We then started comparing our mission to those ones, which led to us coming up with the following phrases:

1st world missionary problems in 3rd world countries: (we've come up with the following so far)

- My feet are all pruny from standing and baptizing in the river for so long!

- I can't keep track of the ward because it get split every week!

- Our mud hut chapel fell down again because it was so over-filled with investigators! 

Each mission is really so unique, but after everything I've seen and heard, I've always been confident that each mission call truly is so perfect for that person who receives it! No doubt, England (even in all it's religious stubbornness) is the place I was meant to be! I love love love it!

The Classifications of Rejection: 

Speaking of religiously stubborn English people, my companion and I were having some fun the other week and came up with the following hierarchy: 

We started coming up with names for the different types of rejections that we receive every day! We came up with the following: 

The Classifications of Rejection:

1. Turrets: Person just has a random outburst of anger about how much they hate us, religion, our dogs, our mother's monkeys uncle and everything in-between, and then walks off. 

2. Sorry but not sorry: Fake smile and happy voice as they tell us how sorry they are that they are not interested. However all body language and words indicates they are not sorry at all: e.g.  "I am so sorry! I'm not interested. I think religion is a load of rubbish and you are the worst! *smilesmilesmile*"

3. Sushi (or the dead fish): Person opens their mouth open and closed repeatedly as they attempt to tell us an excuse why they cannot stop, but no words come out (because they cannot think of an excuse) so they just keep walking as they repeatedly open and close their mouths in mute silence. 

4. The Angry Hornet: Mutters under breath about religion (buzz buzz buzz) as they continue to walk and ignore us. 

5. Baking Cookies:Too stoned to know if they are alive or dead (let alone to know or care if there is a God)

6. Fake Busy: Meandering, peacefully and relaxed through the park or town, taking a nice slow stroll down the lane, but as soon as you start talking to them, they suddenly are incredible late for an appointment (in the park) and run away. 

7. The Proposal: Drunk, single, in 40's/50s. Wants to commit to you and not the gospel. 

Conclusion: Life is so much easier when we learn to find the humor in things and laugh at ourselves. Exhibit A? All of the above! Life is crazy so we might as well just smile and laugh through it all :) 

Our Key Indicators This Week:

We set goals each week for how many different types of lessons we teach people. We call them key indicators. After this past week, we came up with a new set of key indicators to keep track of this week:

- Fingers split: 1   (Sad story. We were dead to the world on Saturday night and had no energy to cook so we concluded that we were going to have the standard, lazy, English comfort-food meal: Beans on toast!! Yum! How can that go wrong? A monkey could make that meal, right?!...........apparently not! I managed to cut my finger really deeply on the can of beans and almost had to go the hospital to get stitches! Go me!)

- Chocolate bars eaten: infinity

- Tears of regret spilled over all the chocolate bars eaten: (1) (#kilos gained on mission)

- Wrecked brollies: 2

Message of the Week:
Do some family history!!! My name is (Sister) Erika Martin and I am addicted to family history! 

2 Nephi 25: 23 For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.

The lives we live will have a powerful influence of those who come after us! We should be determined to leave a legacy behind so our children can find faith in the testimonies and trials of our lives! The light of Jesus Christ can be reflected in the lives that we live! We glorify our Heavenly Father by following the example of Jesus Christ every day! Our children will be blessed from these experiences we have! But if we fail to write down the precious experiences we have in our lives, they will be lost! There is an incredibly special spirit that can be felt as we go and search out our ancestors...and not just looking for their birth dates and locations! Find stories about them! Gather pictures! Take that name and turn it into a person! A person who had a life! Who had feelings! Who had successes and failures! That is what family history is all about! 

You will find yourself so motivated as you read of the triumphs and failures of your family who have come before you! The same spirit I have felt while sitting in a testimony meeting in church, I experienced while doing my family history (specifically while filling out my myfamily booklet). 

That is my challenge this week. Familysearch.org! Get started now! It is addicting, uplifting, and will bring the spirit of the Lord into your life!!

I love you all! Have a wonderful week and keep choosing the right!!!!

Until next week!

I hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin 

Slow Sundays, law suits and soaking wet sisters!

Life is beautiful! Life is grand! Life is dandy! How many other ways can I say that I love my life?! I feel like Ammon today:

Alma 26:1-3

1 And now, these are the words of Ammon to his brethren, which say thus: My brothers and my brethren, behold I say unto you, how great reason have we to rejoice; for could we have supposed when we started from the land of Zarahemla that God would have granted unto us such great blessings?

 2 And now, I ask, what great blessings has he bestowed upon us? Can ye tell?

 3 Behold, I answer for you; for our brethren, the Lamanites, were in darkness, yea, even in the darkest abyss, but behold, how many of them are brought to behold the marvelous light of God! And this is the blessing which hath been bestowed upon us, that we have been made instruments in the hands of God to bring about this great work.

There is no greater joy than being able to testify of Jesus Christ every day! To declare that he still lives and changes lives!! It is the greatest honour and priviledge! 

Ok, well time to cut the sap for a bit and get to the silly bits! I now present to you........the week......sarcastic, cheeky Sister Martin style!

A Brief History of My Country:

Fact about missions: they automatically make you incredibly patriotic about your country!

I don't know why! But for whatever reason you suddenly love everything about your home that you used to hate, simply because it no longer surrounds you (I guess absence really does make the heart grow fonder!)

Well I was having a I heart Canada moment with another elder friend from Alberta as we blabbered on about all the things we love/miss about home! During our conversation he revealed to me a life changing fact about our beloved land of the "true north strong and free!".

How did they name Canada?: Easy! They just picked a bunch of random letters and put "A" in-between each one:

C- "EH"- N- "EH"- D- "EH"

Cheesey? Yes! Did I laugh really hard! Yes! Did I feel more inclined to say Eh for the rest of the day! Absolutely! 

Final conclusion and disclaimer about my country: The stereotype that Canadians are funny and tell lots of jokes is probably true, but no one ever said that they were funny jokes or free of cheese!! :)

Heart attacking for the realists: 

I often joke that I was raised on sarcasm! Therefore when I get together with other sarcastic people, you never know what to expect!

We were with a YSA girl the other day and were making hearts to heart attack someones home! Together her and I gave birth to a genius (or maybe just weird) idea!

Cut all the sappy love messages and instead heart attack homes with sarcasm hearts. They could say things like:

"You suck"

"I actually don't like you that much"

Yes, we are weird, but as we envisioned it we found it really funny picturing the reactions of people if they saw this! When you see a heart you automatically feel like you should be happy and feel loved, but the sarcastic phrases would make the moment so confusing and awkward! 

Our most recent law suit:

Sister C and I were talking about our favourite desserts and she said she loves Krispy Kremes. This launched a conversation about doughnuts and then we made a discovery. Krispy Kreme is the worst name ever! It is the biggest lie! Krispy Kreme doughnuts are not in the least degree Krispy at all! 

I got her all excited when I pointed out that she is from America: or in other words-- the land of ridiculous law suits! She could sue Krispy Kreme for false advertising! Their implied name does not accurately describe their doughnuts at all! 

We laughed, but then realized that people win ridiculous law suits like this all this time in the USA and thought about the possibilities for a moment! But you all can relax! We decided not to sue them today! It would be awkward to sue someone while wearing a badge that says we represent Jesus Christ! I don't think Jesus would sue krispy kreme, so we decided to put our retirement plan on the back-burner for now! ;)

The Geography of Chorley:

There is a village in Chorley called Buckshaw village! Based on our experiences this week, we have dubbed it the following new names:

1. Duckshaw Village: Lately the village has experienced a strange uprising in its duck population! There are ducks everywhere! It's a duck infestation! I know what the people of Buckshaw village will be eating for Christmas this year! ;)

2. Bombshell Village: So it turns out that Buckshaw village is build right on top of an old bomb-testing ground. There are literally giant pieces of bombs only few feet below all the nice new beautiful homes! There are laws here that you can't dig more than 6 feet (or something like that) below ground because you could possible blow up the whole village if you do! (I really wish I was joking but I'm not!). 

What can I say? Buckshaw Village is "da bomb"! 

Quote of the Week:

"Fast Sunday is slow Sunday!"

Can I get a Hallelujah and an amen!?!?! Funny, yet realistic description of a classic LDS fast sunday. Between the lack of food and water, the weird never-ending story testimonies that you always hear at least once in fast and testimony meeting, and the way time seems to conveniently stop forever as you wait for your "fast breaking" meal to cook, fast sunday really is slow sunday! 

Elders Vs. Sisters:

Each week we set goals for how many lessons we hope to teach that week etc. They are a pretty important and big part of missionary work and are very prayerfully and thoughtfully set......unless you are the elders in Chorley!

Usually it takes 3 hours to plan and set these goals! The elders revealed to us the new way that they set their goals last week.

Bubbles.

No joke. They just blew bubbles, and the number of bubbles that they blew was the number that they picked for their goal.

How many lessons do we want to teach to members this week?

 *Blow...."pop" "pop" "pop" "pop" "pop" "pop" "pop"

Ok! 7 it is!

Wouldn't it be great to be an elder sometimes??!

A note from Isaiah:

Nope. It's not a spiritual thought! 

We were talking about 2 Nephi 13/ Isaiah 3 the other day. This is the chapter where Isaiah describes what people of our time will look like! We were imagining what Isiah's reaction must of been when we saw how weird/alien we look now compared to the conservative people of his time.

We joked that he must have left a note for the future prophets who would translate his words to read:

"Dear prophets! Good luck! Sucks to be you! Love Isaiah!"

Questions of the Soul:

Fun fact about me! My shoes don't fit me terribly well so I lose my shoe on average between 4-10 times per day as we are walking. In typical Sister Martin fashion we were running across a busy street and my shoe fell off in the middle of the road. I joked after that in that moment time froze as I pondered: "Is my shoe worth my life??". Sister C pointed out to me that that was possible one of the deepest questions of the SOLE, she had ever heard (Preach My Gospel Chapter 5 has a section that talks about questions of the soul- a popular missionary topic!) 

English Hurricanes:

We officially survived our 1st "hurricane". Everyone was freaking out and saying there would be a hurricane Sunday night. Turns out a hurricane here just means an average wind storm back home. Phewwww (I was picturing like Hurricane Katrina when they 1st starting going on about it!). 

We definitely got soaked and wind blown (unlucky for us, we had no appointments so we had to go tracting in the "hurricane".....now does that not sound so hard core??!) but came out just fine :) Strange confession-- after this mission I actually don't mind rain that much now!

Time is up! I have more stories but will have to save them for another week! I love you all! I especially love you because despite all my lame/dumb jokes each week, you still find a place in your heart to love me! ;)

Have a brilliant week!

Hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin

Sushi, yogi and nocturnal company!

New transfers bring new energy! We have some exciting things on the horizon here in Chorley 2 and I'm so excited for the coming weeks! Lots of member work! Lots of family history! And lots of activities! Let the work begin!

Hanging with Hedgehogs!

After a late night of packing Sis. M and I finally kneeled down to finish off the night with companion prayer. Because of the humidity we have been keeping the bedroom doors open while we pray to cool off the room before we go to bed. In the middle of my prayer we could suddenly hear some funny rustling noises. Me-- being the biggest chicken on the planet-- was scared it was a heard of rampaging mice (my friends know how scared of mice I am) or the boogie man or something. Sis. M-- being the brave one-- with no hesitation sticks her head outside and suddenly interrupts the prayer and yells for me to come and look! 

Lo and behold, there sat two cute little hedgehogs! I've never seen one in my life (pretty sure we don't have them back home) so that was fun! We then spent the next 20+ mins taking pictures with them and trying to feed them milk and cheerios! Life of a missionary right?! The simplest things entertain and please us! These are the moments that you miss out on when you are glued to a smart phone or tv! 

Fiji: Cartoon Version:

Mission life sometimes results in some awkward/hilarious cultural clashes and mishaps! That was certainly the case the other day!

There were 6 of us sleeping over in Manchester the night before transfer meeting! In one of the companionships was an American and a Fijian. The Fijian sister had taught her companion the Fijian alphabet, which sounds really unique and has a funny/catchy rhythm to it. The American sister was semi-teasing her companion about this alphabet as she was yelling out the alphabet to us. 

(I don't exactly remember what the alphabet was but here is my version of what she shouted out):

Baa-bo-bee-bye-boo

Suddenly another American sister (who was across the room and not part of our conversation) leaves her conversation and suddenly turns and with excitement asks: "Oh! Isn't that from Yogi Bear??".

Us being the sensitive, politically correct, dignified sister missionaries that we are.......

Burst into tears laughing! 

Luckily the Fijian sister has one of the best senses of humour ever and was such a good sport about it! If you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at?! That is pretty much my life motto! :) 

When in doubt, scripture it out!

So I have nothing else exciting to report, so a spiritual thought for you to ponder this week!

Do we let our downfalls define us or refine us?!

I was studying lots about Peter this week! Just to put it out there, the New Testament is the bees knees and if you haven't opened it up lately......YOU SHOULD! 

I was thinking about poor Peter and how he so often gets criticized for his weaker moments (his walking on water FAIL, denying Christ 3 times etc. etc.). 

I was thinking a lot about this and discovered something that was profound to me: 

In John 21, Peter and his friends (a handful of Christ's disciples) are fishing and are striking out bad! No luck! Sorry folks, no sushi today! Suddenly a stranger on the shore tells them to cast their nets into the water again and John immediately recognizes that it is Jesus Christ and tells this to Peter. Immediately upon receiving this news, Peter responds as follows: 

 7 Therefore that disciple whom Jesus loved saith unto Peter, It is the Lord. Now when Simon Peter heard that it was the Lord, he girt his fisher’s coat unto him, (for he was naked,) and did cast himself into the sea.

I was looking at this story in a different light and discovered some interesting parallels here that we can apply to ourselves:

Rewind back and lets remember how Peter tried to walk on the water! How well did that go?.....not so well! He started drowning and had to have Jesus rescue him. 

Now think about it! Did Peter really have that much to fear then? He was standing right next to the boat (easy enough to climb back in) and Jesus was right next to him to help him if it was needed, yet Peter freaked out and started drowning. (Matthew 14: 22-33). He let his environment and circumstances be a source of fear; he let these things prevent him from seeing and trusting the Saviour who literally stood right beside him....

Now think of this second experience. Have you ever thought it strange that Peter was so scared of drowning the 1st time, yet this time around he fearlessly throws himself into the ocean to swim to his Saviour. In theory I could possibly suggest that he should have been much more afraid this time- the Saviour was much further away and it was a long swim (does that sound like how we feel about life sometimes? It's a long haul where we sometimes feel distant from the love of our older brother)

Do we let our trials and fears define us or refine us?? .......This is starting to sound like a slightly different version of my rant the other week about surviving or thriving eh??! ;)

What was the difference between these 2 experiences! Why was he fearless the second time?!

1. Peter had his eyes set on the Saviour! He was aiming to get to his Saviour, versus his first experience where he was just walking for the sake of walking! When we have the Saviour/our eternal end goal in sight and are aiming to come towards him, we will always have the help and faith needed to "just keep on swimming" (shout-out to Finding Nemo!) 

2. He had most likely LEARNED from his previous experience! 

Matt 14:31 And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him [Peter], and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt?

Peter learned the hard way that faith will make the difference between swimming or sinking (literally!). This time around he wasn't going to mess this up! He was eager and ready to meet his Lord! He was desiring to do his work ("feed my sheep"!!!). He wasn't worried about anything else, because he trusted that the Lord would provide and compensate for the rest! Christ can take all of our personal weights from us so we can be buoyant! He will not sink with him on our side!

Matthew 6:25- 30 are my favourite verses of scripture this week to tie this thought all together:

25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?

 26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?

 27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature?

 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:

 29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.

 30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?

Does a flower in the ground ("consider the lilies") sit and wonder: "Oh no! Where is my next meal going to come from?" NO! That is silly! The sun will keep shining, the rain will keep pouring- because God blesses for these things to happen and we have faith that he will continue to do so-- and therefore that flower will keep living!

Does an animal have a little planner or to-do list of how it will obtain shelter or food?! Nope! Symbolically it lives in faith! Just trusts that it's needs will be provided!

We have a lot we can learn from this! If we stop worrying about the things that:

A. We can't control....and

B. Don't matter in the eternal perspective (ask yourself: "Does this pertain to/ will it affect my eternal salvation?"....9 times out of 10 the answer will probably be no). 

Then we can live in FAITH! We will not drown! We will not run out of food (or sushi....yum!) Jesus Christ will lift our burdens from us and as our example will help us to learn from the hard times and downfalls we have! 

With Christ on our side, we can be like Peter and learn from life! It's ok to drown sometimes! We aren't perfect (surprise newsflash!!!!)! What is important is that we learn from our mistakes and lack of faith and do it better next time! Do not let fear stop you from doing what is right (from coming closer to Jesus Christ)! Let your experiences refine you and build your faith!! 

I love you all! I pray you will have a wonderful week full of as many missionary experiences as you pray for! I pray that that number will be great! And more important....faith building!

I hope the time goes quickly for you and slowly for me!

Sister Martin :)